Aune Past says lasting marriages leave room for secrets

Communications expert Aune Past says lasting marriages depend on giving each other space and keeping some secrets. Speaking on ERR’s Hommik Anuga programme, she also said women should not make themselves invisible or “retire from their own lives.”

Past, 72, said society often associates age with negative traits. She recalled falling in a shopping centre car park after trying to catch a runaway shopping cart when her dress caught in a car door. A younger woman stopped the cart and helped her up. Past said she felt embarrassed at first, then later cried in her car, moved both by the pain and by how positive the encounter had been.

She said she is not afraid of ageing. Before turning 50, she had eyelid surgery, which she described as a difficult experience. She has also tried various diets, but said none worked. When she thinks about dieting, she said, it triggers cravings. Her advice is to accept the body as home and care for it, because it has served you.

Past said a woman becomes old when she stops helping younger women break through the glass ceiling. Invisibility, she added, begins when women step aside, stay silent, stop applying for jobs or give up on their dreams because they think younger people should take over. “Do not retire from your own life,” she said.

Past, the author of Don’t Ask Permission: A Woman at the Equator of Her Life, is studying to become a digital mentor at Tallinn University. She has been married for 50 years and said a long marriage requires giving each other room. Love, she added, matters above all.