School leader says children must learn how to fail

Children need to learn to cope with failure rather than give up when things become difficult, school leader and trainer Cattre Hein told ERR’s morning programme Terevisioon.

Hein said parents play a central role in supporting a child’s self-esteem by acting as a secure anchor. A child’s worth, she said, should not be diminished by misbehaviour, mistakes or a poor grade at school. A child’s self-image begins at home, she added.

Parents can help children develop a positive self-image by recognising their efforts and positive actions, Hein said. Instead of simply calling a child “good” or “well done”, they can acknowledge the work the child put in. For example, a parent might thank a child for helping stack firewood and ask how it feels to have completed the task together.

Hein said it was also important to recognise small steps in a longer process, such as a child asking grandparents for advice that helped them choose a topic for a research project.

Learning begins when people face difficulty and do not yet know how to do something, Hein said. Failure is a normal part of life, and a bad day does not make someone a worse person. Because failure can be uncomfortable, people may give up too easily, she said, adding that they also need to learn to fail.

Hein said people should be more forgiving of themselves. Young children’s sense of self is shaped by their families, while teenagers are also influenced by friends and social media. Helping young people understand how development happens can make it easier for them to cope when they feel inadequate or unable to manage, she said.