Marta Vaarik says misbehaving children need empathy and tenderness

Former teacher Aliis Aalmann said on ERR’s programme Psühho that pupils can be unintentionally cruel at school, contributing to teacher burnout. Psychologist Rätsep said children may take charge when teachers fail to set boundaries, while Marta Vaarik, who behaved like a hooligan at school, said children who misbehave need empathy and tenderness.

Aalmann, a poet who left teaching, said she would not describe children as bad, but found it hard to imagine lessons going well when pupils were each in their own world and there was no shared time in class.

She said she often felt powerless and exhausted. Disciplinary notes did not affect pupils, she said, and some students did not bring basic supplies such as pens because they expected teachers to provide them. Repeated attempts to guide students without seeing results left her disappointed and frustrated.

Aalmann said there were days when she felt she had failed in front of the class or had failed creatively. Children sometimes behaved in ways that seemed cruel, she said, but this could reflect their own confusion.

She said some people might call her oversensitive and argue that it was better she had left school, but she did not agree that she had given up easily. She had few experiences of success as a teacher, she said, and felt teachers were often expected to do more without recognition for the work they already did.

Empathetic teachers often work on the brink of exhaustion

Aalmann said teachers’ responsibilities kept growing. New policies were announced, she said, but teachers were the ones expected to put them into practice. People also took their frustrations out on teachers, while the responsibility of families to educate the next generation was not clearly defined.

Some situations with parents had made her reluctant to go to work, Aalmann said. She added that before becoming a teacher, when she saw things only from a pupil’s perspective, she had also wondered what teachers could do differently. She said students had come to her with personal concerns and that she was grateful they trusted her. She tried to help them and direct them to support where needed.

Aalmann said empathy could make working with people difficult. Teachers were often empathetic and entered the profession because they wanted to improve the world, she said, but they frequently did so at their own expense. A person who was struggling could not be the best support for a young person or a good colleague, she added.

Children who grow up without boundaries are unhappy

Psychologist Rätsep said attention had shifted to teachers’ salaries rather than the value of their work. She has worked as a school psychologist for about 10 years and now advises children and adults in private practice.