Ergo Kuld recounts the emotional toll of his divorce

Director Ergo Kuld has spoken about the severe emotional toll of his divorce and the support that helped him through it, in the new season opener of the ERR programme “Men, Let’s Start Living!”, which focused on mental health.

Kuld said his life was turned upside down. “A year ago, the rug was pulled out from under me and at one point I had no direction,” he said. After the divorce, he felt that nobody needed him anymore.

“A huge feeling of emptiness”

“The hardest moments were when I was alone with myself. That first moment, when the room empties, was indescribably difficult,” Kuld said. He described the feeling of emptiness as immense.

At times, he broke down in tears. One of the hardest moments came during a trip to Pärnu with a friend, when the evening ended with Kuld curled up on a hotel bed.

Kuld said he understands why some men turn to alcohol, overwork or excessive exercise during difficult periods. He has remained sober for eight years, but said he threw himself into training, even after demanding filming days. He lost 15 kilograms in a couple of months, leaving his then ex-wife worried about him.

Men’s doctor Silver Peeter Siiak said 510 of the 650 deaths caused by alcohol in 2025 were men.

A friend and therapy helped

Kuld said he found his way back to himself in Saaremaa, where he was connected with the series “Varjudemaa”. He became friends with Olev Sten Erik Jõgi, who played the main character’s son. Jõgi, who is 22 years younger than Kuld, became an important source of support during the difficult period.

Jõgi said he had not noticed specific signs that Kuld’s marriage was in trouble. He said Kuld was honest with him and would call when he was struggling. Jõgi added that he learned to answer even when the calls came late, and that everyone needs someone who will listen.

Kuld said he went to therapy during the separation and continues to do so. He said therapy can help people reach the roots of problems they may not have recognised, and encourages them to consider what is going well in their lives.

Seeking help need not be shameful

For families nearing separation, Estonia’s Social Insurance Board provides a family mediation service. The service does not aim to repair relationships, but helps families agree on new arrangements while taking children’s interests into account.

Creative therapist Kerli Remmelgas said people have to face difficulties, but prolonged strain and anxiety can take a toll on their health. She said men and women cope with divorce equally well, but men are more likely to feel ashamed about asking for help.