Tokyo can turn from fairytale into hell, Berezkin says

Tokyo initially felt like a fairytale to Liisa Berezkin, but life there gradually took on a darker cast, leaving her feeling she had lost herself, she told ERR’s Vikerraadio. Berezkin lived in Tokyo and wrote a book about her experience.

“Tokyo is not Japan,” Berezkin said, describing the city as a place unlike anywhere else, which can feel like an oasis to some and “hell in the middle of Japan” to others. She said that anything a person can imagine is available there.

Over time, she began to miss seeing the sky. Her fascination with Japan began when she was 19, sparked by the bold performances of Japanese musicians and the striking visual style of their shows.

Berezkin said she left her doctoral studies in Japan and realised that her real reason for going there was to experience and enjoy the country, rather than to do the anthropological research she had spoken about. She studied Japanese intensively and copied Japanese-language books by hand at night, which helped her repeatedly extend her scholarship.

She said Japanese society is built around groups rather than individuals, with rules and structures that help groups function. Some of those rules can seem absurd, she said. Hierarchy is important, and people know their place within each group. Berezkin said the fear of being excluded from the community can outweigh personal needs, wishes, fears and joys.

She described the home as a private sanctuary in Japan, where guests are rarely invited unless the relationship is exceptionally close. Spending long periods in close proximity to others can also cause stress, she said.

Berezkin described her experience of Japan as a circle: after feeling lost and unsure what she wanted, she eventually understood that she belonged in Estonia and wanted to live there. From a distance, she said, Japan suddenly looked beautiful again.