Beatričė turns her miscarriage experience into a fertility support project

After experiencing repeated pregnancy losses, communications specialist Beatričė Skardžė is creating a project with psychologist Milda Kukulskienė to support people facing fertility challenges. LRT reported that the project aims to help people understand how to live with their own and others’ difficult experiences.

The project is called “When are you having children?” The creators say a question that may seem harmless can painfully remind someone of something they cannot or do not want to discuss. Skardžė says questions about when she would have children used to make her angry.

The creators also want to talk more about men’s experiences. Kukulskienė said men are often expected to support their partners, even though they are also dealing with a loss.

A future upended

Skardžė’s first pregnancy brought great joy and plans for the future. She and her partner had wanted children and were delighted when she became pregnant quickly. They imagined celebrating their child’s first birthday, holding a christening and introducing the baby to relatives and friends.

At six weeks, a doctor warned that something might be wrong. A few weeks later, doctors confirmed that the embryo’s heart had stopped beating and the pregnancy was no longer developing.

“Life felt as if it was slipping away from under us,” Skardžė recalled. The loss shattered the future she and her partner had imagined. She said the experience felt lonelier because people around them did not talk about miscarriages or pregnancies that do not develop.

She also began to worry about whether she was physically able to carry a baby. “Your mind suddenly becomes very vulnerable, and a chaos of doubts and intense emotions starts to boil,” she said.

Seeking help and answers

Skardžė later experienced further pregnancy losses. The second miscarriage was complicated: her body did not end the pregnancy on its own, and she needed medication and a medical procedure. She was in Italy when heavy bleeding began. Tests carried out later in Lithuania found nothing wrong.

Six months later, she became pregnant again, but the pregnancy ended very early. After another pregnancy, doctors found at eight weeks that it was no longer developing.

After the first loss, the couple thought it might have been a natural occurrence. The subsequent losses raised more questions about whether something was wrong and where to look for answers, Skardžė said.

She sought psychological support and began working with Kukulskienė. They worked together for nearly a year. Skardžė said therapy helped her gradually step back from the experience and come to terms with it.

After her first miscarriage, Skardžė had begun thinking about how she could help other families facing similar experiences. She decided to work on the project after her daughter Aja was born, when she felt she had the emotional strength to do so.

Skardžė said she searched online for personal stories and information while going through her losses, but found very little. Some subjects, she said, were not discussed at all, which made the experience feel lonely.