Psychologist says parents should not hide conflicts from children

Parents should not shield children from conflicts and worries, because these can be opportunities to learn how to handle difficult situations safely, clinical psychologist Triinu Ojalo told Vikerraadio, part of ERR.

Removing every unpleasant experience, including boredom, anxiety and effort, can prevent children from practising how to cope, Ojalo said. When a child is struggling at school or does not want to attend, parents should be there for them and work together on ways to manage the situation. If things become very difficult, they should seek support from the school, other people in their support network or a mental health professional rather than trying to manage alone.

Ojalo, a junior researcher in psychiatric genetics at the University of Tartu, said social uncertainty, including economic and security-related concerns, has a substantial effect on mental health. She also noted that parents do not have to be perfect: when adults make mistakes, taking responsibility and apologising to a child can be valuable. Talking about feelings also helps children learn how to express their own.

Mental health support should be easy to seek and access, but it does not always need to come from a specialist, Ojalo said. Estonia is developing a tiered support system, including e-consultations, though doctors who respond to these consultations face a significant extra workload, sometimes outside working hours. Ojalo said there are few options between family doctors and psychiatrists, such as community services, counselling and group therapy, that could help people with less intensive needs earlier.