Language columnist calls for end to parental kakafoonia

Writing for ERR, Evelin Kivimaa argues that using “we” when talking about children makes language imprecise and blurs the boundary between adults and children.

A cacophony is a disorderly collection of sounds, or unpleasant noise. Kivimaa uses the playful term “kakafoonia” for a similar habit: parents speaking as though they and their child were one person.

Parents of young children are especially prone to it when sharing joyful news, such as, “Our poop was such a beautiful yellow today!” In reality, they are talking only about the child’s poop.

Becoming a parent can bring brain fog. Kivimaa writes that she, too, drifted around like a nebula during her daughter’s first year and lacked the energy for activities requiring prolonged mental effort. Even with a foggy head, however, she managed to distinguish herself from her baby.

The habit can also appear when people talk about other dependent beings they love. An older relative might prompt the phrase, “We were in such a good mood today,” while a pet might inspire, “We didn’t pee in the shoe today.” But people rarely use the same enthusiastic “we” when dealing with an unpleasant dependency, such as helping an extremely drunk friend: “We vomited like a fountain.”

For the sake of both their own mental health and that of their listeners, people should avoid excessive use of “we” even with their little darlings, Kivimaa concludes. When an adult says, “We are already using the potty,” it is the child, not “we,” who is actually using it. Less kakafoonia, more clarity.