Open discussion can help prevent suicides, crisis counsellor says

Crisis counsellor and play therapist Eva Näf told ERR’s Vikerraadio that speaking more openly about suicide and listening to people in crisis can help prevent them from acting on suicidal thoughts.

“We are afraid to talk about suicide. When we do, we try to soften or embellish the subject because it is difficult,” Näf said. She added that suicide had long been a taboo in society, leaving a lasting mark.

According to Näf, open discussion also makes it easier to talk about mental health problems and the circumstances that can lead people to believe that dying is a better choice than living.

“For most people, the decision is still spontaneous and depends greatly on what happens during the last 48 hours, 24 hours or even the last few hours,” she said. “Who is beside me, what steps we take and what situation we enter all matter. There is always an opportunity for prevention, but if we do not talk about it, we cannot help.”

Näf said she had been suicidal as a child and young person, although she never attempted to take her own life. Her husband had also been suicidal for several years, she said, and there had been difficult moments when noticing the warning signs and avoiding a wrong step may have prevented him from acting on his decision.

“A suicidal person’s inner dialogue becomes toxic,” Näf said. People may convince themselves that they are a burden to those around them or that their children would be better off without them. This can make the situation dangerous, while relatives may feel as though they are constantly “sitting on a bomb”.

Years of therapy and continuous work helped Näf and her family, she said. She also experienced burnout while supporting her husband.

When speaking to a suicidal person, Näf recommends saying: “Help me understand what you are feeling. Help me understand what you are going through right now.” She urged people to ask others how they are doing and not be alarmed if they share all their problems. That conversation can provide an opportunity to consider together what to do next.

Näf said mental health cafés across Estonia offer opportunities to speak with volunteer psychologists about personal problems or concerns involving a relative.

“The more willing we are to ask questions whose answers may not please us, the greater the chance that we can gain a foothold and turn something around,” she said.

Children’s helpline: 116111, available 24 hours. Victim support helpline: 116 006, available 24 hours. Emotional support and pastoral care helpline: 116 123, open daily from 10 a.m. to midnight. Eluliin: 6558 088, open daily from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. In an emergency, call 112.