Jim Ashilevi says depression makes lightness seem impossible

Estonian writer Jim Ashilevi says he tried to balance heaviness and lightness, as well as profound ideas and everyday life, in his new book, “Inimese kostüüm,” published in late August by Loomingu Raamatukogu. In an interview with ERR’s “ID” series, he also discussed his recent work on a choral piece, a video game and a theatre translation.

Ashilevi wrote the text for the choral work “Kauge kaja,” created with composer Jonas Tarm. He said the project came unexpectedly, after Tarm urged him to collaborate despite Ashilevi having no previous experience writing song lyrics or choral texts.

The two developed the work together, with Ashilevi writing words and Tarm continuing to compose the melody. They then met regularly to see how the elements could fit together, with the lyrics influencing the melody and the melody influencing the lyrics.

At the same time, Ashilevi was completing his book and working increasingly intensively on ZA/UM’s video game “Zero Parades: For Dead Spies.” He also translated Dennis Kelly’s play “Orphans” for Tallinn City Theatre, where it was directed for Markus Ilves. Ashilevi described the combination of projects as complete overexertion.

He said he has long struggled to refuse opportunities and to estimate how much time projects will take. When an attractive offer arrives, he becomes excited and assumes he will somehow manage, but eventually pays for the workload with sleep, health and family relationships.

Ashilevi said he cannot claim to be good at saying no, although it helps when someone close to him tells him to refuse new commitments. He added jokingly that his wife might not agree that he always listens to her.

The end of work on “Zero Parades: For Dead Spies” was particularly intense, he said. For several weeks, and even for a full month, he was away from home while his wife stayed in Tallinn with their children and he worked in London.

Ashilevi said being absent from his loved ones and children brings him a strong sense of guilt and ultimately comes at too high a price. His schedule has since become calmer, although he is currently translating another play for Tallinn City Theatre.